With colourful Stinas visit in Sweden and without any social life here, time by myself is a faithful friend and  I’ve  been thinking a lot during all the biking. What about love?  How is it possible to stop loving someone? I see it happen, and I’m not judging…  just wondering. If you love someone, with every part of your body and soul, how can that love just ends?

There’s no secret at all, my brothers are closest to me. There aren’t many human beings I could, or would, do everything and even more for. To be honest. What I feel about them, the protective and overwhelming care which I control, that couldn’t stop. I’m very aware of the different kinds of love. But aren’t we a little bit too fast to categorize everything? How do you know the difference between love that could end and love that couldn’t? Until you’re at the edge of an emotional crack.

Relationships, with siblings and others, Sometimes you got to learn how to love. Over just the last years.  I’ve been learning how to stretch my heart. To love even more. My family reduplicate in size. The idea of two families became reality, all of a sudden. It was harder than I first imagined. A clever and lovely classmate in my bibleschool asked the simple questions, really meaning them and hit the nail I didn’t know even existed! Awesome person by they way.
However, It took a while for the feelings to grow and even though it’s a long way to go. I know it’s going to happen,  Loving my families equally. I’ve been exercising the biggest muscle of them all: my heart.

It was a really strange feeling. To actually feel how the heart grows.. Like a circle to be able to reach everyone. It has been a lifelesson- to feel.

Logial, analytical Evelina. The rational one with messed up plans and good determinations. Always preferring acting with the head rather than the feelings. Hm.. So while I’m expecting mine tights growing too big (from all those bikerides) I’m stretching my legs.. and my heart continues to grow.

The vulcanic keep having this impact, ash and things are coming out and if there will be more vulcanic eruption: it could be hard to work. I still haven't found a bike, and I've been wasting a lot of money to buses/trains here and there, just because of bad information. But it doesn't matter, I have butterflies in my stomach.

I've got this hope for the future. Even though there are months left of hard work. But it feels great, there might be a place for me out there somewhere. I don't know exactly what's going on. but it's gonna be great. My korean mom did send this quote to me: God give us grace to accept with serenety, the things that cannot be change, courage to change the things that should be change and the wisdom to distinguish one from the other.

We have the liberty to do what we want with our lives, some may have better conditions than other. But we all can be a part of something bigger. Make a difference where we are right now, and futuer: Here we come!

/Evelina

 

If I would know someone who's working as a dancer, or if I would run into George Clooney.. that would be something something, right? They are famous people, and they're good at what they're doing (hopefully). Wouldn't it be great if Nicolas Cage was my uncle? However, let me tell you about someone I really admire.

Her name is Frida and she is the sweetest girl you can find. She's one of my best friend and what she's doing..wow, she really has an impact in her world. She's a light in the dark, that's for sure! Put her into any circumstances, and everything gets better, brighter and so much more.. loving. I've never met anyone more humble and not self focused person in my life. Isn't amazing that her and I are friends?;) Well, I've so much to learn from her and a worried soul like mine, feels so good around her. Calm and loving..

I'm smiling when I met people that are super pumped about a celebrity they just met, because I'm proud too: 'cause I know Frida.

/Evelina

Bathroom to the left. Front door in the middle. Me and Stina (my friend)'s bedroom to the right




our hall! the opening to the right is the kitchen (stina is cooking food) and the opening to the left is Miccans and Issas bedroom. Even more to the left (out of the picture) is the opening to the livingroom



our livingroom!

:)

This autumn, I sat among the players from New York Red Bulls at the plane between NY and LA. Well, I haven't googles their team until now. Just to see who I saw, talked to or be ashamed in front of. I'm watching pictures at internet and laughing. I'm feeling a but stupid 'cause I didn't know so much about them, but I admitted that I was more interested in the europeans leauges. But I guess it didn't  offend them 'cause after all, I was invited to their game against Chivas.

It's really interesting to meet different kinds of people. Some people just come around, and stay forever. And some of them; you just see a glimpse and never again. There are a lot of meetings, and sometimes we can't decide for who's staying and who's going. But something I trying to think is that every human being is a gift. That you can learn something from everyone. To meet many people, hear their stories make me to a better person. It increases my understanding and respect for people.

I like people, and I might even like chatting with american soccerplayers ;)

During valentine's day, I usually had a gift and went to my own hero- my grandma. She was the best and there's no one else that I admire that much. Her generousity was the greatest, she never complained (even though she was the first I would give permission to do..) She was always there and she has so many word os wisedom to give. I've spent so many hours in her kitchen, talking about life. and when we were tired, we just rested for a while. I've been eating a lot of good food in her kitchen too, and one memory I have is a one from a summer when I worked very early in the mornings. I slept over and when I woke up around 4 am, she had made fresh swedish waffles with cream and jelly. and ice cold milk! She knew I loved that, and she knew about my hunger in the mornings;) She was great, not that hard to understand. right?

There are a lot of people around us, people that we attend to forget to appreciate. I've been really bad at appreciating my family and my friends. But time will give us the learning. So we learn to appreciate och enjoy today. I spent a lot of time with my grandma and even though there are a lot of things I would love to share with her nowadays and in the future, I'm still grateful for the years I actually got.

A pretty famous quote reminds me of this. That you don't know what you've got until you lost it. So I'm going to do everything I possible can to resist that. I want to really appreciate what I've got and if there will be changing-> I'm trying to appreciate them too.

honestly speaking..
I’ve been terrified to break down, to show my weaknesses.  in a world full of emotional roller coasters, it has been easy for me just not to. Not to feel to much, not to listen to the feelings to much.. all these not to.

To reach high levels, you got to be… almost aggressive. When we hear people talking about others weaknesses, we’re trying even harder not to show ours. Welcome to the modern time.
We are supposed to be strong, independent, critical individuals with every answer right. Self-confident, insightful and comfortable. On the go, fight til we succeed and if we don’t: til we die.
If we’re exaggerating a bit:)

But I’ve learned through the hard way, that sometimes if you want to move on, you need to break down.. sometimes at least. To break apart, cry a bit and try again. It could be necessarily to do that, to even be able to move on. At the same time, the feeling of haven’t-I-came-farther-than-this-emotional-thing is coming.. and it’s easy to feel guilty about it. I guess my theory of face it-embrace it-leave it (about mistakes) could work here too:)

I don’t care if I speak against every smart theory, but for each and every broken-heartedness (?)/breakdown we can still be walking. Taking step by step. It sounds really not true..I know. But if you think about it. From where does that heartache come from? Isn’t it from a painful insight? We need to remind ourselves, now and then but not too often, what we are. Where we’ve been and where we’re heading.. It’s a balance, but the reminder could be a necessarily pain in the butt..sometimes

Mosaic can be beautiful.. There’s a piece, and then it’s a crack/fissure before next piece. And the pieces are different from each other. All the pieces show something that one, entire, not-broken piece couldn’t show: the beauty.
And all the cracks and fissures have a meaning for the masterpiece.. Just like you and me.

Do you want to know something I'm so sick and tired of? Well, the limits of what you could do and believe in, are usually set by others. You know, my dear doctors and surgeons said that I could have a job where I speak in front of people, they said that I should avoid coldness- and heat. And a lot of other things that I wont accept.

I might not have the physical conditions but shouldn't my desire and will might be able to take me out of the category I'm in? People usually put each other into categories, I'm like that by myself too. But the main thing is that you're not settle. That you actually could do something, (yep my competition head is in) But still.. and a lot of times, I let those voices speak into my life a little bit too much, beacuse there will be times when your not secure and it feels like you're trying all the time. During this time, it doesn't help with people who always see the negative, the limits or the mistakes.

I'm a christian and believe in a God that loves me above all. Who cares about me every day- every single breath. Of course there are people who put me into a certain category. And that's alright I guess, if you also get the chance to show who you really are. A lot of times, you might fit in, in the sterotype. But a lot of times: you might be surprised, or be the one who surprising others!

There will always be risks, but you can't really live if you never risk anything. And who wants to live a boring verbose life which foundations is, what you shouldn't do, can't do or wont do?

Not me

I'm going to live my life completely, 100 %. When that day comes and I look back at my life, I want to know that I surely lived, I will probably have made a lot of mistakes, but also a lot of experience and learning lessons.
And it might be like this: Only one thing needs to change to have really happiness in our lives- where we have our attention.

a motto that I really like is this: My goal is that those people who are closest to me, and best knows me, also will love me and respect me the most.

It's kind a brilliant to think like that, specially when you're having a leaderposition. Fact 1: You could never please everyone. Everyone can't love you to pieces. Fact 2: If those who best knows me, also loves me the most. That's one of a kind goal. (With that, I don't mean that it's a good thing if people who doesn't know you, hate you instead.)

But if people who are close to me, don't respect me and love me. How could I even "expect" for love and respect from people that doesn't know me? And If they do, they might be disappointed as soon they start to know me better? Of course, one thing doesn't neccesarily exclude the other thing.

I don't want to be a pastor, I don't have that vision. BUT if I would end up in a position or similar position like a leader, that motto would defenitely be in the way I work and behave. So people who are close to me should listen to me, because they respected me and loved me. Who you are, sometimes reflects (not always) in the integrate of others.

Who told us that you got to be disappointed as soon you start to know someone even better? Shouldn't it be given confidence? A little bit of faith? An honour to share life.
I'm trying to be like that, to be like that with my friends.

Because it is an honour, be given peoples trust and to share life with people. You don't need to idolize or underestimate anyone. The respect should be there, for everyone. So.. Thank you all my friends. You're great and you're giving my life such an gilt edge!

Sometimes, We're trying so hard to do so much, to be so much, and to fix a lot of things.. and all of a sudden: the energy disappear. And in all of the good things you want to do and be for others, it's easy to loose yourself. To do all the things just because, and not by loving others.
I have to remind myself of that now and then, so I live my life in the way I do because I want to, not  because I "should do". And to keep the love to the others be the driving force. Does it sound strange?
You could be tired anyway- of course! But if we loose the love, and our actions become to boring habits, I should, I have always done.. etc. We don't only loose our driving force, but burns all of our bridges. And even though you start in the right way, you could loose it end up in the wrong dead-end. But what's lost, can always be found

If we find our driving force and focus on that. Our actions aren't that heavy, so diffifult. There are no longer what we should do, but rather be what  we want to do, what we long for. What we love to do. And when we fall, it still hurts. But then we could learn about get the experience, the possibility to learn..
So I don't care in the same way anymore when I make mistakes. Of course, I'm trying to correct myself if I hurt people- being mean is not my priority.


Alfred : Why do we fall, sir? So that we might learn to pick ourselves up

during the classes in leadership 2008/2009, I learned a lot. I think it's so interesting with leadership, group dynamics and how it works. Something that I still keep in mind is the significance of having a strong/good character.

Having a strong character means to do the right thing just because of that- no matter the costs.

If we want to do the right thing, but not doing it, is in the best case: a goodwill. So the thing with the character, it's not easy and it takes time. If you want to focus on that. It's something you build, you learn. And I like doing it. But it's not easy and sometimes you can't overthink or feel too much:) But I wanna be a person with a good human nature. A person people could trust, who's always there for people. Who could admit the weakness and insercurity but still is clear and and has a direction.

The greatest thing among them all, It's not a pressure, I want to keep building a good character just because of I want to. No pressure. That iself is a relief, and knowing the power source to continuing when the emotions says no :)

Or a sisterpage to the front page: http://evve.blogg.se

This is the english version. Hope you understand what I'm writing and if you have a question, just make a comment!